Do u know what happens when u keep pushing urself to stay strong despite all the Chaos happening around u? As time goes by, u will become numb. As numb as a dead body sometimes. When u hear news that must be shocking for u in general, u will realise nothing.
Like ur brain knows that it is bad news. But u won't cry. U won't even have any sort of feeling. But ur body will start to express all that pain. U will feel pain in ur body, all over. At times u go to sleep as soon as u lie down. At times u won't get any sleep.
But sometimes, you won't even know whether u have slept or not. Even after sleeping for hours u would still feel tired. And when the next problem comes, ur brain already starts to push u to be strong, by weakening ur body.
I know if i cry out, I might feel better. But I couldn't. Not that I don't want to. But I couldn't. I don't have the courage to break. I don't have the energy to break. Because I know, if i ever breakdown, i have no one else to pull me up other than doing it myself.