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Why do some women demand dowry from their parents?
The recent PSA ad on road safety attracted a huge outcry on social media. The ad was perceived as an act to normalise dowry.
Dowry somehow finds its way into the Indian families because there are nuances to it. Decoding them ๐
Part 1: Boys are assets, girls are liability
- India is primarily a patriarchal society where men are considered assets and blessings to the family.
- This mindset leads to differential treatment from a young age, where boys are given preferential treatment over girls.
- It could be as small as boys being served food at the table, whereas girls are expected to serve it for themselves and others. - Indian parents do not fail to remember that she should groom herself to fit into her in-law's family to uphold the values of her current family.
- There is a constant reminder of her current place being a temporary one.
Only around 13% of the households actively save for their retirement. Indian families depend on their children to care for them when they are old. Especially the boys of the family.
The RBI household finance survey illustrates the source of retirement funds for Indian households.
- Most married women are not encouraged in the workforce or confined to caring for their households.
- The women's labour participation rate in India is just 21%, which is lower than Bangladesh's (38%).
- It's not an uncommon question for the boy's family to ask if the potential bride would work post-marriage.
- The female labour participation rate has declined over time. The onset of the pandemic has pushed the pace even further.
Part 2: Dowry and inheritance
The arranged marriage market is ruthless regarding caste and dowry discrimination. When my profile was circulated in the marriage market to potential families, I was warned about explicitly stating 'no dowry'.
I was told that the groom can choose not to ask for a dowry but should not stop the girl's parents from gifting it to their daughter. They also added that when a boy explicitly says he doesn't want a dowry, it raises suspicion that there could be something wrong with the groom.
Cut to another instance where a friend's maternal uncle had two daughters. The second daughter demanded that the wedding be conducted with a higher budget and that she get the gold jewellery equivalent to what her elder sister had for her wedding.
For the first time, I was taken aback a little, but when I dug deeper, I uncovered a motivation
1. When a sister gets lesser jewellery and money from her family, there is a constant comparison from the in-law's side or a sense of partiality that would arise within the sisters.
2. For most Indian families, the parents spending money on their daughter's wedding is considered the last most considerable expense. Hence the woman sees the dowry as her chance to get a share of her inheritance from the family.
Part 3: Demanding equal rights over the family property
The demand for dowry for marriage is illegal (Dowry prohibition act, 1961) in India, and the women have the right to inherit an equal share of the parent's assets among the siblings (Hindu succession amendment act, 2015).
- Though the law allows it, the likeness of a woman filing a case against a sibling or her parents would be significantly less.
- She would win the case, but that would also mean that the act would be looked down upon among the people she depends on.
Relationships are much more than money.
She could win the case, but she would potentially cut her children off from her relationship with her parent's side.
The downsides are usually considered and would be settled out of the court through conversations among the family.
I don't intend to justify the act of demanding dowry. Indian families, on average, spend around 10 Lakhs on a wedding in a country where the per capita income is approximately 1.75 Lakhs.
Lavish weddings act as social signals in the community. Many parents are forced to borrow money at a high-interest rate to fulfil the marriage expenses and dowry demands, thus making the households debt-ridden.
But the act of dowry is also intertwined with the nuances of patriarchy in Indian families.
They need systematic change at all levels for a progressive society.
Until society changes its view around the role of women, treats them equal to a man and empowers them to have their own identity outside the family, dowry would find its way into this ecosystem.
This is an opinion piece from my limited observation. I'm open to alternative viewpoints and conversations around this topic :)
Let me know what you think.
You can find the full post in my newsletter 'The India Notes' where I write about Indian consumer behaviour from the lens of design and tech :)
newsletter.theindianotes.com/