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11 ways where Indian parents go wrong. A thread...

1. Comparison We are often compared to others, in the hope that it elevates our game. However, the constant comparison makes us feel that nothing we do will be good enough. Because there will always be someone to compare ourselves with!

2. Killing curiosity As kids all that we did was ask questions. Before we were told not to. Asking means we do not understand. Asking means we are dumb. Asking means we admit to being dumb. So don't ask. We stop asking. We memorize answers. Instead of loving questions.

3. Focusing on society Society is somehow more important than us. What we do in life, who we marry, how we dress, where we work. Decisions that should be ours, become decisions driven by others. Faceless people, who opinions are apparently more important than our feelings.

4. Looking at the world only through their own experiences Our parents had a very different and difficult life. Which, for no fault of theirs, has biased them. The world has changed though. Their biases haven't.

5. Emotional Blackmail "You can do what you want to do. You do not have to think about us." This sentence has stopped more kids from taking the decision, than any fear or laziness combined.

6. Dismissing Mental Health Mental health wasn't a topic for our parents, growing up. People were sent to mental hospitals. So it is easy for them to dismiss mental health as either a fad ("you can come out of it if you want to") or a illness to be ashamed of.

7. Lack of trust In a trust-deficient society, parents tend to start with mistrust than trust. "Daal mein kuch kaala hai" (there is something wrong) is the operative we are raised on. We are rarely trusted. So we grow up to rarely trust.

8. No discussion about Money Most of us grow up with zero understanding of income, expenses, taxes, investments. And thus have a complicated relationship with money that we understand much later. By which time it is often late.

9. Unreasonable expectations Because our parents had a difficult different life, they often wish to experience life through their kids. Thus imposing expectations that we did not get to chose for ourselves. What is success for us, is often defined without our permission.

10. Imposing relationships We are often ordered to maintain relationships, simply because we were born into them. Even if those relationships do not work for us. Thus a lot of us grow up with a complicated relationship with our own selves. "Is there something wrong with me?"

11. Not making us accountable When we fail, we are either blamed, or we are absolved of it because it was someone else's fault. When we fall as a toddler, it is the floor that is beaten up. So we rarely grow up to take responsibility for our actions.

This thread can easily be treated as one against parents. It is not. Our parents had an immensely hard, demanding life. Survival was key. They lived a life trying to just make ends meet. Life didn't have options.

So most of how they parented us, was driven by what worked for them. While those ways may not work anymore, do remember that they most certainly want the same things for your life that you want for yours. It is the worldview that differs. Not the outcome.

This thread is meant to make you aware how your parents, for no fault of theirs, could impact you as an individual. And for parents to be aware of how their actions drive an entire life.

It baffles me how little people are taught about parenting and how critical and sensitive a role it plays in shaping the entire world. It baffles me how many of us grow up loving our parents but eventually resenting them as we discover how they influenced us adversely.

Both of these can change. Kids: Start by understanding WHY parents behave the way they do. Appreciate where they come from. Parents: Recognize that there are multiple ways to get to the same outcome. Trust your kids to experiment, fail and figure their own way.

"Parents are first humans. By treating them as gods, we treat them unfairly. Each time they fail, we question them. When we should instead understand them." "Kids are their parent's replica. They can either give them their values. Or make them live their life. It's a choice."

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