How to solve for overthinking.
A thread...
Overthinking is a thing!
We all tend to overthink.
And strangely, it is almost always about the thing that will go bad.
No one in history was overthinking about the good things.
Imagine, your friend calls before an interview, "OMG dude, they are going to love me, fall for my credentials, my experience, my pedigree and I am going to get this job. Money + this brand on my resume. SOMEBODY STOP THIS OVERTHINKING!"
No!
This doesn't happen.
What happens is,
โ"OMG dude, I can't stop this overthinking. They are going to reject me. I only have this interview. I already hate my job and if I don't get this one, then I do not know what I am going to do. And oh what if my boss finds out that I am interviewing!
I saw someone senior in the company I am interviewing connected on LinkedIn with my boss. What if they are best friends? What if THAT person interviews me tomorrow and then tells my boss. And then I don't get this job and my boss fires me as well.
And then Anjali will also leave me. Her dad as it is hates me. Then my parents will insist on updating my shaadi.com profile and OMG, what if they ask me to consider Ritu again? I don't like her. Oh god - what if I end up marrying Ritu?
Can you imagine having kids with her?
Hello, hello. You there? Bhai! So gaya kya? HELLLOOO?"
Overthinking is a thing!
There are 2 important things to know about overthinking.
1. We are all hardwired to think more about the bad, than good.
This isn't something that is wrong with me. We ALL are hardwired this way.
Some time back, we all were cave men and women!
And at that point, the only thing that mattered was survival.
Each time we ventured out, we could be attacked by a wild animal, or by members of another tribe, or even our tribe members who are jealous that you made it to IIT!
So, our brains were focused on ONLY ONE THING - alert us of the danger.
Over millions of years, this has become a habit of the human mind.
Alert us of the danger.
While the dangers of wild animals have reduced, others have taken their place.
The dangers of "Sharma ji ke ladke ko dekho" is still there. The dangers of being laughed at are still there.
The dangers of being seen as a failure in society is still there.
So, our mind alerts us about them.
We have a question to ask in class and our mind goes, "Dude, why bother. Imagine if the question turns out to be a stupid one and everyone laughs at you?"
We want to approach a stranger and our mind goes, "Dude, why bother. Imagine if the stranger refuses and then people around you laugh at you?"
So we stop ourselves.
2. Our mind focusses on possibilities. Not probabilities.
This is an important one.
Our brain's job is to focus on the possibility.
Is it possible that you'll have an accident today: YES
Is it possible that you'll be kidnapped: YES
Is it possible that you'll be fired: YES
Just the possibility of an event, is enough to trigger overthinking.
What we need to add, to stop the overthinking, is probability.
Yes, its possible that I have an accident, but what is the probability?
And if you think about it - we ALL use this technique in our daily lives.
Each time we step out, there is a possibility of getting hit by a bus. But we still step out fearlessly, right? How come?
Because we have told our brain, that the probability of that is low.
And how do we know that the probability is low?
Because we have witnessed that ourselves.
That is it!
The way to "solve" overthinking.
Realize you are not alone in thinking of the bad more than the good.
And realize that when YOU are convinced that the probability of that bad thing is low, your mind will automatically be convinced.
The reason I share this thread today, is because of all the problems that people reach out to me with, almost 70% of them involve over-thinking.
They are convinced that it is a "them" problem.
And they are convinced that the possibility is equal to its probability.
Maybe being a science student helped me here.
Maybe I was hard-wired this way.
Maybe I realized it along the way.
What I do know is that the mind is an animal willing to be tamed.
It wants to be tricked.
It wants to be compliant.
It wants to stop its wandering.
And often, just being aware of how the mind tricks us, is enough for our mind to stop tricking us.
Happy non-over-thinking :)
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