9 and 1/2 lies your English teacher told you about writing:
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“Always begin with a clear thesis statement.
Or at least an opaque one.”
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“You must use proper grammar or people simply won't take you seriously.
Okay, now that you've fixed it, I still don't take you seriously because you're a kid.”
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“If you can't spell, you'll never be able to be a writer...
for writing comes from words, and words come from spelling.”
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“Always use transitions between paragraphs.
Otherwise, people simply won't be able to follow what the McDougal you're talking about.”
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“One must always write in complete sentences containing at the very least a subject and a verb.
Why, you ask? Because.”
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“It is important to use punctuation.
Begin by overusing semi-colons and eventually move to adding em-dashes to everything instead of commas."
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“Good writing is like not getting kicked out of zoo for hanging out with the animals.
It's all about following the rules.”
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“Thou shalt never use slang in your writing.
For slang is more difficult to understand than antiquated phrasing people use far less commonly.
Old words are better than new words.”
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“Informal language damages your credibility.
However, superfluous words give you super-credibility.”
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“Always proofread your
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