Taking Up Space: Self-Esteem and Expression

•

Having self-esteem is about how comfortable you feel taking up space. That can be read in many ways: - physical space (being present at an event) - digital space (sending someone a text) - time & company (talking to someone for 5 mins) - expressing yourself (sharing an opinion)

And you take up space in: - other people's lives (family, friends, clients or customers, colleauges, neighbours, on and on) - public (a public social media account; being a public figure; creating media or art or organising an event for public consumption)

When I was growing up: if you were dealing with a lack of self-esteem and confidence, there'd be adults and school programs, and later maybe, books and workshops, seemingly centred around helping you become.. more. More confident. More self-assured. More assertive.

I'm a more assertive, confident person than I was at 17. I can remember many times in my life where I learned to be more assertive. Making small changes in my personal life to assert boundaries. Learning to find my voice in a workplace. Stepping up to causes that I believe in.

Contrast to giving in to low self-esteem: Having no boundaries, not asserting your personal needs. Feeling unseen or unheard at work. Not feeling confident enough to join new communities, even when you want to be involved in a cause.

But can't self-esteem fluctuate throughout your life? Or be an ongoing matter? I've achieved more since my young adult years. I've done harder things than send a text. And yet this week, I have done just that. Struggled to send a text.

That is me feeling doubt abt taking up space. For the person I was trying to text, I didn't want to take up that space in their inbox and their time, if I wasn't prepared for it. If I couldn't be at my best, assured abt what I was going to say. And so, I didn't. Not until then.

(The last tweet is also about my perfectionist tendencies. Have tweeted a lot about that before: twitter.com/search?q=from%3Apossiblyzebra%20perfectionist&src=typed_query&f=live)

Does anyone do the thing where you hesitate to participate socially bc low self-esteem? You don't join in the conversation in a group chat? You don't want to call up a friend, bc what if you're intruding on their personal time; then the call just never happens? I still do that.

I also write, over and over again, in these public digital spaces. On Twitter, on my sites. Believing that what I'm saying is worth expressing. But many times I've *not* posted a tweet or a blog post, feeling doubtful about taking space with what I'm expressing or sharing.

I'm sure there are people who have never felt this way before. I can't imagine trying to explain this to others who don't ever worry about the way they take up space. I guess, like, be kind? (What works to dig you out of a low self-esteem hole? Thoughts?)

How does this tie into my previous thoughts on self-esteem as combination of self-perception and others' perception? Well, this is not a fully-formed idea haha, just a couple of tweets. It probably won't be the last time I think about it.

Lol and even now, I hesitate to post this. I've not been active this year in expressing myself in my public digital spaces. I'm rusty. I've run through, in my mind, the people I know, still using X/Twitter, who are going to read this. But I'll do it. Hitting that post button.

I think this was the last time I had a longer conversation about this on here. It doesn't really tie into the themes of this current thread? twitter.com/possiblyzebra/status/835767897754484736?s=20