The easy way and the hard way

•

1/Is it possible to be successful without compromising on your values? If not, what do we even mean by success? I’ve struggled with this question a lot. Recently I’ve come up with a framework that has helped me. I call it “the easy way and the hard way”.

2/The world is full of ambitious people who neglect things many of us care about. Marriage, family, health, relationships, employees, society, so on. It feels like you have to make a choice. Be ambitious. Or have a nice life. Not both.

3/I see this dichotomy play out in my own life. If I treat my employees with respect … I don’t make those hard business decisions. If I spend time with my family … I have less time for my work. If I go to the gym ... I miss an important networking event.

4/This sucks. It makes me pessimistic. If the only way to be successful is to give up these things … well for me, that’s not success. And frankly, not for anyone.

5/We all have the same basic needs as human beings. Think about Maslow's hierarchy. If our drive to succeed leads us to neglect our emotional connections … how can we worry about self actualisation?

6/Well I don’t think you can. So is the world full of miserable ambitious people ... and happy unambitious people? No - but I think this is a surprisingly common point of view. I've gone through phases thinking this way.

7/These thoughts hit me hard early in 2021. After half a decade of startup stress and burnout, I realised something simple. Every time I let my ambition get in the way of my integrity, morality, health, family, happiness, and so on - I regretted it. It's never worth it.

8/I made a personal commitment never to compromise on what I value for my ambition. And that pushed this topic to the forefront of my mind, because I realised how much harder this is going to be. I am ambitious, and I want to believe I can follow my dreams.

9/You see, there are often shortcuts to get ahead in life. Treat your employees with respect … or just order them around. Take care of your physical health … or just ignore it. This is the easy way. Empirically, it works 😬

10/There is also the hard way. You follow your ambition, but without compromises. And accept that it will take longer to get to where you want to go, because you constrain your available moves. And sometimes you have to say no to big opportunities.

11/Why would you do things the hard way? The day to day reality is that you feel like a sucker. You'll watch your peers race ahead of you, while making painful decisions to hold back on your professional life.

12/But the hard way is all about optimising for the long term. The reason we value things like integrity or family is because they matter. Today, and especially as you get older. Don't believe it? Go ask them! youtube.com/watch?v=r6WZuLKOa6k&ab_channel=NoahKagan

13/“After I get successful, I’ll fix those things” I used to think this way, but it doesn’t work. What if you haven't "made it" by 30? 35? 40? The pressure that "my life starts when..." mentality puts on your day to day work is unbearable.

14/On top of that, many of the things you value may be broken irreparably by then. Usually, it happened a long time before "it happened". The hard way is not a moral choice, but a selfish one. This is simply what brings fulfilment in the long term.

15/In this sense, the hard way is the only way. The easy way is just a mirage. But it is so so hard, because the world is full of people who take the easy way and find temporary success. FOMO! And somehow the people who take the hard way never seem to get the same press.

15/Fortunately, they are out there. And what wonderful inspiration they are. Take care of those connections!

16/What does it take to follow the hard way? At one level, just that. Commit to it, the rest will follow. For me, it has lead me to topics like - discipline, following my heart, thinking long term, enjoying the journey, personal productivity, &more.

17/But I didn't write this thread because I've figured it out. Far from it. I wrote it because I think the world is full of amazing people who believe they have to hold back on their ambition. That it isn't impossible to live by values AND be ambitious. I believe you can.

18/In many ways, this is the only thing that matters and yet we don't talk about it at all. There is a total lack of content and role models here. Or at least I haven't to find them. This is almost the exception the proves the rule: youtube.com/watch?v=tvos4nORf_Y&ab_channel=TEDxTalks

19/But I'm passionate about it and if it resonates, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks to everyone who've helped me work through versions of these ideas. You know who you are.