CW for people with religious trauma from Pentecostal/Charismatic traditions.
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I was seated between my parents on a stage for hundreds of people to stare at me. I was 17 and I felt sick to my stomach. This was my presbytery experience. #cfctoo
If you're Presbyterian, the word presbytery may conjure up images of church governance.
In my childhood cult, presbytery meant one thing: an annual multi-day event in which traveling prophets would come to town and deliver prophetic words over the favored few.
Presbytery has been part of CFC's culture since the beginning. This newspaper article from 1982 highlights that presbytery is for "selected members of the congregation."
nyshistoricnewspapers.org/lccn/sn83031769/1982-05-11/ed-1/seq-16.pdf
These days it appears that there's an application process, after which you're selected by some unknown criteria--though a life transition generally helps--and then you're asked to attend a prep meeting. In short, plenty of opportunities for leaders to gather data about you.
I didn't do any of that process. It was just assumed that when I was a senior in high school that it would be my turn to go through that rite of passage. Perks of being the kid from an insider family, I guess.
I didn't need a prep class. My preparation came from decades of observation. I watched my parents and their friends laughed hysterically when a prophet would "read someone's mail" = the prophet would reveal something private that only the person and their friends would know.
As a child raised by a father with religious scrupulosity, I was constantly terrified that a prophet would prophesy over me and reveal some terrible secret sin that even I wasn't aware of.
Sitting up on the stage, I felt exposed and claustrophobic at the same time. My parents flanked me and the prophets and pastors would gather around and lay their heavy, sweaty hands on my shoulders and my head.
(Image of my younger brother getting presbytery in 2019)
As it turned out, I didn't have much to worry about. The "prophetic word" was 75% vague platitudes and 25% standard guesses about a young woman raised at CFC.
I was raised to marry young and birth many children. Of course they would mention a husband.
I was the daughter of a trained musician. Of course they would mention a musical instrument.
I was instructed to transcribe the audio from the cassette tape and highlight the different portions of the prophecy, so I dutifully obeyed.
This section always makes me chuckle. At 16 I went on a "missions trip" to Turkey and it was the most underwhelming experience--I basically played babysitter for the family I traveled with.
The dad from that family rushed up to me after the service completely terrified that I had experienced something traumatic during the trip. I had to break it to him that the prophet was completely off-base. I'm not sure if that made him feel better or not.
This section is less amusing. I'm an Enneagram One who was punished for the smallest infractions and here this "prophet" is telling me, "there's no room for a mistake."
"You have to be careful who you bring close."
"Your relationships have to be God-ordained."
This kind of fear-mongering is awfully convenient if you don't want someone straying outside the cult. And it's completely destructive for a teenager who is already terrified of making the slightest misstep.
My experience could have been much worse. I didn't have my presbytery slot canceled because Rick didn't like my behavior.
I didn't have the privilege of attending presbytery held over my head to keep me in line.
cfctoo.com/stories/wrens-story
But it was bad enough. #cfctoo