Victim blaming is extremely common in churches and many survivors have experienced victim blaming at CFC.
cfctoo.com/blog/victim-blaming-in-the-church
People who have experienced horrific abuse have been accused of anything from demon possession and antichrist spirits to immodest dressing. Women at CFC are taught that it is their responsibility to prevent men from lusting after them.
“Carla” recalls in her story: “I was assaulted twice. One of my abusers claimed to be a Christian. When I told my parents, they asked what I was wearing when it happened, because I must have been dressed immodestly.”
cfctoo.com/stories/carlas-story
This specific type of victim blaming is very common. It can make women feel responsible for the horrible things that have happened to them as if what they were wearing caused their abuse and not their abuser.
Britny Harmer chronicled on her blog how a CFC pastor demanded that she change her clothing and inappropriately placed the responsibility for potential lust on her shoulders.
therainsgonnawashaway.wordpress.com/2022/01/08/power/
Victim blaming is particularly insidious in situations of domestic abuse. “Keeley” highlights some of the immediate consequences of victim-blaming in her story.
cfctoo.com/stories/keeleys-story
Keeley’s ability to engage in sexual intimacy with her abuser was questioned. Her pastor’s wife asked if she was giving her abusive husband enough sex, claiming “if they are not satisfied there then that frustration can spill into other areas of life.”
Victim blaming is pervasive in our culture, not just in our churches. We see it in the media, we see it in legal proceedings, and we see it in our homes with our own family members.
The church can and must do better to support and protect survivors. How do we do that? We start by listening to and believing survivors. We put policies in place to protect survivors and to protect others from becoming victims.
There are many aspects to domestic violence, sexual assault, and other trauma that can wear victims down until they are resigned to the abuse. We know that trauma changes the brain and the way we make sense of the world over time.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to come forward and ask for help. This is why it is crucial that we believe survivors when they disclose their abuse to us. Believe and take action.
Please know that it is not your fault. It never was. You didn’t deserve it then and you still don’t deserve it now. We hear you, we believe you, and we are here to support you.