20 stupid dad jokes (that are actually super smart)

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You're doomscrolling and brainscrolling too much. Time to cleanse your mental palette. 20 stupid dad jokes (that are actually super smart):

The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

A told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

Man, I'd love to get a rare award. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We’ll see about that.

I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.

A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking; now I drink in front of a mirror.

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.

A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.

🤦 (Like this tweet if you feel the delicious, shameful satisfaction that only a good dad joke can deliver.)